


Men are like dog shit, women are like sukonbu

by butchsakura



Category: Gintama
Genre: Character Study, Coming of Age, Dadtoki, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone is Gay Except Shinpachi, F/F, Gen, Kagura POV, Kagura-centric, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Kagura, M/M, Non-binary lesbian Kyuubei, Polyamory, gin-chan how come u get to have TWO boyfriends?, kagura has a lil crush on tsukuyo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butchsakura/pseuds/butchsakura
Summary: Gin-chan and Zura whispering to each other, stumbling home drunk in the dark, senseless bickering, holding each other close, pressing their foreheads together in the silence. Gin-chan and Toshi, standing side by side, swords raised, shouting matches in the street, fighting in sync, fist fights in the market, understanding someone else wordlessly.Kiyoko, with her long hair, her soft hands, her charming laugh, her pretty kimono. Tsukki, with her calloused hands and her awkward wisdom, her face, all the more beautiful for the scar on it, her strength, her unyielding will. The feeling of the entire world being reduced to one girl.After the Yagyuu arc, Kagura has a revelation.
Relationships: Background GinHijiZura, Background Gintoki/Zura and Gintoki/Hijikata, Kagura & Sakata Gintoki, Kagura & Shimura Tae, Kagura & Tsukuyo, Kagura & Yagyuu Kyuubei, Minor Kagura/OFC, Shimura Tae/Yagyuu Kyuubei
Comments: 20
Kudos: 52





	Men are like dog shit, women are like sukonbu

**Author's Note:**

> kagura & tsukuyo and kagura & kyuubei dont exist as tags apparently?? im disappointed
> 
> this is a work of love that has been in the making for the loooongest time. i spent like almost all of 2019 writing it and finished december 30 but hadnt posted it for some reason??? im rly proud that the first of my gintama drafts i actually managed to finish was this one. 
> 
> anyway this is completely self indulgent but this fandom is in sore need of more lesbian content and more lesbian kagura in particular so i hope u enjoy

Kagura doesn't like to dwell on things. Most things simply don't bother her, used to life in Edo as she is by now. But recently, there's been this one thing that just won't leave her thoughts. 

It's been about a week since the Yagyuu arc ended. Kyuubei has now become a regular cast member, always by Tae’s side, and everyone seems to have moved on. Everyone, it seems, except Kagura herself. Every night after Gin-chan goes to sleep, she crawls out of her closet to watch all six episodes again. For some reason, she can't stop rewatching it. During the day, she keeps remembering everyone’s reactions to finding out Kyuubei was a girl. Shinpachi’s indignation to what he perceived as a joke. Kyuubei's father and grandfather blaming themselves. Tae and Kyuubei’s tearful embrace at the end. 

_Kyuu-chan can only love girls. Two girls can't get married!_

The words keep replaying in her head, over and over again. No matter how much she tries to relish the feeling of beating Sougo, or gorging herself on sukonbu, or having a marathon of Ladies Four with Zura, nothing seems to help her forget. She knows she's getting desperate when she decides, reluctantly, to ask Gin-chan for help.

It's late at night. She changes into her pajamas while Shinpachi washes the dishes. When she comes out, he’s already leaving, Gin-chan bidding him good night from his spot on the sofa. Kagura sits next to him, closer than she usually would, and pulls her blanket around herself. They're having another Dragon Ball Marathon tonight.

“Android saga or Cell saga?” Gin-chan asks without looking at her.

“We always watch those. I want to watch Maijin Boo.” Kagura answers, taking the remote from his hand.

“Hey, I thought you liked Future Trunks! Don't you wanna see Android 18?” Gin-chan takes the remote back, draping his other arm around the back of the couch, right behind Kagura’s head.

“It’s you who wants to see Android 18! I wanna see Gotenks, fusions are cooler than androids anyway.” Kagura says, shoving at Gin-chan and reclaiming the remote.

“Oi, take that back! Don't compare Krilin’s wife to some snotty brats.” He protests, but still allows Kagura to have her way.

They settle into a comfortable position on the couch, Gin-chan with one leg crossed over the other, Kagura with both of her legs pulled up, her blanket draped around her shoulders, Gin-chan’s arm a familiar presence behind her, close but not quite touching. A few episodes pass by with random commentary from Gin-chan, but Kagura is not paying attention to him. She's still trying to figure out how to breach the subject. Now that the moment is here, she's not really sure what she actually wants to ask him. 

On their small TV screen, Trunks and Goten are trying out the fusion dance when Gin-chan suddenly asks “What is it?” 

Kagura looks up at him, taken aback. Gin-chan is still looking at the screen, waiting for an answer. Kagura hesitates.

“It's nothing.”

Gin-chan scoffs. “Of course it's not nothing, you haven't added to my thoughtful commentary all night. You didn't even insult Vegeta’s hair once. Obviously something is wrong with you.”

“Is there something wrong with liking girls?” The words are out of her mouth before she can process them.

Gin-chan looks surprised for a second, before he quickly reverts back to his default expression. His eyes never leave the screen.

“Of course not, everyone likes girls.” 

“Then why is it wrong if Kyuu-chan does?” Kagura asks, her voice uncharacteristically low.

That gets Gin-chan to look at her. He seems to have realised this is a serious conversation. “Who said it was?”

Shinpachi's words keep repeating themselves in her head. Kagura tries not to look away when she answers. “Shinpachi did. He and Kyuu-chan’s dad said she couldn't marry Anego because they were both girls. Toshi too.”

“Gross, don't call him Toshi.” Gin-chan sighs, throwing his head back and running a hand through his hair.

“I don't get it, Gin-chan. What does it matter if they're both girls? Why can't they get married?” _Why can't they love each other?_ , Kagura doesn't say. Her voice takes on a desperate tone without her meaning it to.

“Sure they can, there's plenty of other planets where gay marriage is legal. If they really wanna tie the knot, nothing's stopping them from taking a quick trip to space.” A pause. In the background, the Majin Boo saga is still playing. Gin-chan turns off the TV “But that's not what you're really asking, is it?” 

Kagura holds back tears, but she doesn't even know why she wants to cry. And that's the problem, isn't it? She doesn't know what she wants to ask. She doesn't even know what she expected out of this conversation either.

Gin-chan's arm moves from the back of the couch and drops around her shoulders, heavy and comforting. 

He looks her right in the eyes when he asks “Kagura-chan, is there something you want to tell me?”

His words are the tipping point. As soon as Gin-chan's done speaking Kagura breaks out in sobs, cannonballing straight into his chest, soaking his shirt in snot and tears. “Ugh, that's disgusting, just for this you're gonna have to do the laundry next time.” But he doesn't move away, instead he draws her into a proper hug, dropping his chin on top of her head.

“Kagura-chan, you should know better than to listen to what Shinpachi says. He's just bitter because his sister's got pretty girls falling for her and he's still a shitty virgin otaku. There's nothing wrong with Kyuubei for liking girls, and there would be nothing wrong with Tae for liking her back, just like there would be nothing wrong with them if they decided to get hitched in space and invite us all to their lovely super deluxe cruise wedding.” Kagura felt Gin-chan's arms tighten around her “So you can stop worrying about it, alright?”

They stay silent for a while, the only things that can be heard Kagura's loud sniffling and Gin-chan's soft breaths. Eventually, Kagura raises her head. Her face feels uncomfortably warm, her eyes are itchy and she's got a headache from crying, but she feels more at ease than she's been all week. Now, there's something different she wants to ask.

“Gin-chan, what was it like? When you fell in love with Zura?” 

“Who said I was in love with that wighead?”

“Everyone knows, Gin-chan. You're not subtle.”

He rolls his eyes and thumps their foreheads together, grumbling about stupid long haired terrorists ruining his reputation. Kagura thumps back, starting a forehead pressing contest that quickly dissolves into headbutting, and soon enough they find themselves on the floor in an impromptu wrestling match that Kagura is destined to win. Pinning Gin-chan to the floor, Kagura sits cross-legged on his stomach and victoriously stares down at him. 

“As Reigning Wrestling Champion of Kabuki-cho, I command you to tell me the story of the moment tiny Gin-chan realized tiny Zura was his one true love and he would never be able to love anybody else.” Gin-chan still doesn't seem willing to talk, so Kagura jams one of her knees into his ribs for good measure.

He makes a noise like a dying cat and tries to get her off. “Fine, fine, I'll tell you what you want, just stop trying to murder me!” 

They stare each other down for a few seconds, but eventually Kagura relents and rolls off of Gin-chan. He heaves a deep, dramatic sigh and makes a show of sitting up. Thoroughly unimpressed with his display, Kagura just eyes him expectantly.

“Alright, first of all, Gin-san's heart is big enough for everyone. Second, that bastard is most definitely _not_ my ‘one true love’.” Gin-chan pauses, leaning in conspiratorially “And third, what I'm about to tell you is between me and you, and if anyone else finds out about it, you'll be sleeping on the streets again. Understood?”

Kagura sits up straighter, nodding seriously “Yes, sir!”

Gin-chan runs a hand through his hair. “There isn't really a story. We had been living together for a while. We were twelve, I had never kissed anyone before, Zura was the prettiest kid around—Shut up, don't tell him I said that. He was just pretty because everyone else was ugly!—And I figured, why not? So I asked if I could kiss him, and he said yes, and then it just kept happening.” Gin-chan leans back. Kagura watches him attentively, the way he crossed his arms, his expression as he talks. “It kept happening all throughout the war. We all became closer, then. Tatsuma, Takasugi, Zura and I. I couldn't bear to lose any of them. But there was something different, about Zura. He was the smartest one of us, yet somehow the most stupid as well. I don't know, there wasn't an exact moment, alright? At some point, I just realised what he meant to me.” 

Just as he said, Gin-chan's story isn't anything special. There's no grand romantic confession, no fighting to the death with endless suitors for Zura's affection, no magic love fairy that told a prophecy of undying love, and yet. Kagura feels the emotion in every word. Gin-chan doesn't like to talk about his past, doesn't like to share details about himself. This is the first time Kagura's ever heard him being so honest. She doesn't stop to wonder why he's chosen this moment to open up, just commits the story to memory, lets its meaning settle somewhere within her core. 

“Are you happy now? Have you filled up your quota of deep and introspective questions for the night? Can we finally go to sleep?” Gin-chan gets up, dramatically stretching his arms and popping his back. 

Kagura huffs and crosses her arms. “Fine, I forgot old men need to be in bed early.” Gin-chan rolls his eyes and extends a hand to pull her up.

They say goodnight and walk to their respective rooms. Kagura pauses at her closet door, staring into the dark. “Thank you, Gin-chan.”

* * *

That night, Kagura dreams of Kyuubei and Tae getting married in matching white dresses. At their reception there's a sprawling buffet full of sukonbu and tamagohan that never ends no matter how much she eats. The newlyweds cut their massive five stories cake together and Kagura fights Gin-chan for the biggest slice.

In the morning, Kagura wakes up feeling refreshed. The weight she's been dragging behind her for the past week has become Shinpachi, nagging but small and easy to ignore. She finally feels normal again.

It's nice, to be able to go about the usual without any pressing questions rattling around in her brain and slowing her down. At last, she can once again go all out against Sougo, and enjoy drama nights with Zura, and extort Toshi for food money, and impart her infinite wisdom to the kids at the park. There's infinite possibilities for Kagura when there's nothing weighing her down. If she's a little meaner to Shinpachi now, it's his fault for obstructing her in realising her full potential, and she's sure nobody notices either way.

Life resumes as normal, and Kagura feels at ease.

A few weeks later (if any time passes at all, Kagura's never sure how Gintama's timeline works, and she's sure the gorilla doesn't either), the Yorozuya gets hired to man three different stalls at a festival. Gin-chan automatically appoints himself to the food stall, and Kagura immediately claims the goldfish one, so Shinpachi gets stuck with selling cheap masks.

They arrive early at the venue to set up the stalls. Uncharacteristically, during the first few hours everything goes by without a hitch. The few customers they get are mostly children and young couples. The most interesting thing that happens is Gin-chan getting into a scuffle with an old man over how many ice cubes should his soda have. However, a veteran festival goer like Kagura knows the real fun starts after 7pm, which is around the time the people they know start arriving. 

Kagura is watching a guy unsuccessfully trying to win a goldfish for his girlfriend when she spots Jimmy-kun walking the Shinsengumi's pet gorilla. They're both in uniform, so she guesses they must be on patrol, whatever that means for the Shinsengumi anyway. With nothing better to do, she decides it's time for those disgusting police dogs to put their money to good use and calls out to them. 

Kondou's eyes light up when he catches sight of her, walking over to her stall immediately. Yamazaki follows without a word, though his expression betrays his raging urge to run away.

“China girl, I heard Otae-san was here! Have you seen her, do you know where she is, was she looking for me?” The gorilla has got that disgusting glint in his eyes he gets whenever Anego crosses his mind. Behind him, Yamazaki heaves a long-suffering sigh.

Kagura narrows her eyes, looking down her nose at them. “Anego wouldn't ask for a hairy gorilla even if it was the only one left who could make her favorite Haagen-Daz flavor. However,” she crosses her arms, fixing up her expression so they know she means business “I could tell you where she is if you manage to catch the biggest fish in the pond.”

Kagura hasn't seen Tae since yesterday, but neither of them need to know that. 

“500 yen a net.” she says, nonchalant.

Yamazaki's eyes go wide. He pulls his commander aside to speak in hushed tones. Kagura pays them no mind, knowing Kondou will pay any price if it's about Tae. She looks back to the pond, which is actually just a small inflatable pool, where the guy is being comforted by his girlfriend after not being able to catch a single fish. What catches her attention, however, is not their pathetic display of boring straight teenage love, but what she sees beyond them. 

Standing a few meters away, strangely out of uniform, is Toshi. He's wearing a dark blue yukata, trying and failing miserably to look casual. He keeps looking around in a way that Kagura supposes he must think discrete, but it just makes him look like he's about to rob the nearest stand while no one is looking. She's about to call out to him too (the Yorozuya is here today to make a profit, after all), when Kondou slaps down his money on her wooden counter.

“Commander, we can just ask someone else! We shouldn't–” Yamazaki tries to say, but he's immediately cut off by his commander. “I accept your challenge. Hands us our weapons.” Kondou looks like he's about to head off to war. 

Kagura smirks as she pockets the money. “If you break the nets, you have to pay again to keep trying.” She tries not to laugh as she hands him the oldest, most frayed nets she has.

Yamazaki tries to protest again, but Kondou just hands him one of the nets and they both squat down to try and catch the fish. Kagura grins down at them. _Heh, police dogs are so easy to fool._

Her business done, Kagura looks for Toshi again. He's no longer looking around, as he seems to have found what he was looking for. Kagura follows him with her gaze as he walks toward the food stand, where Gin-chan's eating one of the candy apples he should be selling. _Ah, so that was what all that weirdness was all about_. Kagura knows the exact moment Gin-chan sees Toshi heading towards him because his eyes widen just the slightest bit, he slouches just a little bit more. To anyone else, he would look just as bored as always, but Kagura's lived with him long enough to be able to tell the most minute shifts in his body language. He looks like he's raring for a fight, but there's something else too, something she can't quite identify. 

Toshi reaches Gin-chan's stall. The shouting starts almost immediately, but they're far enough that Kagura can't actually hear what they're saying. Not like she needs to, their fights are almost always the same. Just watching them, though, Kagura is almost sure of what she and Shinpachi have been suspecting for the last few arcs. Gin-chan and Toshi, even if they would rather commit seppuku than admit it to themselves, let alone anyone else, are flirting. And have been at least since somewhere after the Benizakura arc, if Kagura is as sharp as she prides herself on being. In their own weird, aggressive, sexually frustrated, emotionally constipated way. 

Seeing Toshi and Gin-chan interact is like watching a train wreck in slow motion: entertaining, exciting and endlessly hilarious. Kagura's watched her fair share of disasters, but as they get closer and closer, she finds herself paying more and more attention to them. Gin-chan interacts with every person differently, but Toshi brings out a part of him that she hasn't seen him show to anyone else. It reminds her, vaguely, of stolen moments with Zura when they think no one is looking, of getting awoken in the middle of the night by two drunk idiots stumbling through the front door, of pretending to be asleep in the early morning as they whisper to each other about times goneby. It reminds her, also, of endless bickering, of merciless teasing, of the overwhelming familiarity of a lifetime. 

It's not quite the same with Toshi, of course. Their interactions are not tainted by a decade of words unsaid, the uncomfortable intimacy of people who used to know everything about each other, once upon a time, but have had to relearn each other. Instead, the familiarity between them comes from the acknowledgement of an equal, of seeing themselves reflected in another's past. It's the feeling of looking at someone else and seeing yourself. 

She snaps back to reality as Toshi leaves Gin-chan's stall, the tips of his ears red. Gin-chan watches him leave, muttering something under his breath. He calls out to Hasegawa, and after they exchange a few words, Gin-chan hops over the counter and leaves, leaving behind a slightly bewildered Madao.

Kagura shakes her head, then looks in Shinpachi's direction. He's following Gintoki with his eyes, and after a few seconds he returns Kagura's look, right about ready to murder him. Kagura nods at him twice, giving him the go ahead, and he takes off after Gin-chan, likely to give him a very long lecture about responsibility on the job.

With Gin-chan no longer being a distraction, Kagura brings her attention back to the bakufu dogs in front of her. They look to be on their sixth net. They have caught no fish so far, and Jimmy-kun is looking more and more exasperated by the second. Their nets break again, and Yamazaki lets out a noise like someone just stole a whole year's worth of anpan from him, flopping down on the ground. Kondou steps up to the counter to pay for another two nets when he freezes, staring somewhere in the direction of the fried squids.

There, standing in front of the water gun stall, is Tae. She's got one hand wrapped around Kyuubei's elbow and the other pointed at the ugliest Pokémon plushie Kagura's ever seen. They're both laughing, leaning into each other's space. Kondou drops his wallet into Kagura's waiting hands and immediately takes off after her, Yamazaki hot on his tail. Kagura weighs the wallet in her hand, then brings it up to her ear and shakes it. It makes the satisfying noise of a lot of money. She nods approvingly. There's probably more than enough in there for two weeks supply of sukonbu and some rounds at the one All-You-Can-Eat buffet in Edo she's not been banned from yet. She smiles, satisfied. It's been a pretty good night so far.

“Hi, excuse me, how much is it for a net?” There's a girl standing by the pond. She looks to be about Kagura's age and she's wearing a pretty, blue yukata patterned with pink and yellow flowers. 

“300 yen” Kagura says, blinking.

“I'll have one, then” The girl smiles. Her voice is sweet and refreshing, like eating one of Gin-chan's puddings in front of the fan on a hot summer day.

The girl pays. Their fingers brush when Kagura hands her the net. Kagura notices how soft her fingers are. The girl steps away.

Kagura stares as the girl squats by the pond. She's more playing with the fish than actually trying to catch them, giggling when one manages to splash her as it escapes from the net. The noises from the festival suddenly seem louder, reverberating in her ears, but Kagura can't look away from the black-haired girl at the pond. She hasn't caught a single fish yet.

“It seems like I'm not very good at this. Could you help me?” Kagura startles. The girl is looking at her.

“Yes!” Kagura answers, a little too eagerly.

Kagura hops over the counter with sweaty hands. She squats next to the girl, who hands over the net (no fingers brushing this time, Kagura notes). From up close, Kagura can smell citrus shampoo. Her long hair is tied up in a high ponytail. The girl stares at her expectantly. Her eyes are dark brown. Kagura easily manages to catch a few fish. The girl holds a bag open as Kagura drops them inside. She secures the bag to her wrist with a green cord.

The girl smiles. “Thank you! You're really good at this, even though we're the same age. I guess that's why you work here.” The girl laughs. Kagura feels pleasantly warm. 

“I’m just naturally good at everything, aru. The fish know that, so they don't even try to escape from me.”

“I bet you are.” The girl laughs again. “I’m Kiyoko. What's your name?”

“I'm Kagura.” Then, before she can stop herself “Are you here alone?”

“Yes. My best friend was supposed to meet me here, but she's home sick, so I came alone. What about you?”

“I run the Yorozuya in Kabuki-chō. We got hired to man this stall. My employees are here too.” Kiyoko looks impressed at that. Kagura feels something in her chest swell.

“That's pretty awesome! I'm just stuck home for the summer. It must be pretty fun to have a job.” 

“It's a lot of work, but it's rewarding.” Kagura nods sagely. 

Kiyoko tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. Kagura follows the motion with her eyes. 

“Well, Kagura, it was nice talking to you, but I have to be getting back. My parents are going to be really mad if I stay out too late.” Kiyoko says apologetically. Kagura wants to keep talking with her, but she says nothing.

Kiyoko waves goodbye, the fish dangling from her wrist. Kagura waves back as she watches her leave. It feels like time has frozen for her, but the festival continues all around her. The noises that were too loud before seem muffled and far away as Kiyoko disappears in the distance. 

Kagura doesn't know how much time passes before everything goes back to normal. She returns to her post behind the counter to wait for her next customer. It turns out to be Zura, wearing a forest green kimono with a brown obi. His hair rests on his shoulder in an intricate braid. Zurako it is today, then. 

“Ah, Leader, working hard as always, I see.” 

“I always am, unlike Gin-chan.” Kagura laments, shaking her head like a disapproving mother. “How would the Yorozuya survive without me?”

Zura shakes his head, equally disappointed. “I'm always telling him he needs to be more responsible. What kind of example is he giving you? He should be more aware of…” He launches into a rant about bushido and responsibility and Gin-chan's lack of work ethic. Kagura entertains him, as she always graciously does, but even her endless patience and attention has its limit. She's just about to tell him off when Anego arrives, still arm-in-arm with Kyuubei.

“Kagura-chan, how nice to see you.” Anego says, a cheery smile on her face. Beside her, Kyuubei nods in greeting. Kagura nods back. “You too, Katsura-san. Oh, should I say Zurako-san?”

“Otae-dono, it's good to see you as well. I see Kyuubei-dono is here with you.” Zura inclines his head politely towards Anego, then looks intensely at Kyuubei. Kyuubei looks back just as intensely, though it seems like she's not sure what's going on, exactly.

The four of them stand there in silence, Tae with her eyes closed, a permanent smile on her face as Kyuubei and Zura's staring contest intensifies. Kagura holds her breath. Just when she thinks actual sparks are gonna ignite between, Anego clears her throat. Immediately, Kyuubei looks at her, a concerned expression on her face.

“Now, now. There will be none of that today, Katsura-san. Kyuu-chan and I are on date, you see? We don't have time for silly challenges tonight.” Anego doesn't stop smiling for a second, but her tone doesn't leave room for argument. Kagura hangs on the word 'date'.

Kagura sees Zura shiver slightly. Not a rare reaction when someone stares Anego in the eye. “My apologies, Otae-dono. I didn't mean to interrupt. I will issue a formal challenge to Kyuubei-dono at a more opportunate time.” 

Kagura doesn't hear Kyuubei's answer, because walking by Shinpachi's stall, casually carrying a bazooka with him like it's normal festival behaviour, is the last of the usual suspects. Kagura tries to warn Zura, but it's too late. Sougo spots Zura the moment Kagura spots him, and with a single cry of “KATSURA!”, he charges towards them, firing. 

The first shot misses, striking what used to be Gin-chan's stall, where Hasegawa no longer is, probably. Zura wastes no time using the dust of the explosion to escape, screaming “You will never catch me!” as he takes off into the night. Kyuubei has shielded Tae with her body, and she unsheates her sword as Sougo fires his next shot. Kagura jumps away just as her stall gets blown into nothing. From the direction of the temple, she sees Gin-chan and Toshi stumble out of the woods looking incredibly disheveled, alerted by the commotion. 

Kagura can hear Shinpachi screeching in the distance. She plants herself in front of Sougo, cracking her knuckles. Time to teach this asshole a lesson about appropriate festival behaviour.

* * *

Their leisure time comes to a stop soon after. There's no time to think about Kiyoko or Kyuubei and Tae's date or Gin-chan and Toshi's not-so-secret relationship as the Shinsengumi almost disappears, and it feels like no arcs pass at all until Kamui arrives, throwing her whole life into chaos once again.

If she thought the Shinsengumi were lucky to make it out alive after Itou's revolt, then the fact that the Yorozuya is still standing after Yoshiwara is nothing short of a miracle. 

Kagura often wakes up in the middle of the night with Abuto's blood on her hands, Shinpachi's screams ringing in her ears. If not, she dreams of the rain pelting her back, Kamui's crazed eyes, her father's arm laying on the ground; except this time it's Shinpachi who scream-cries in the rain, as she drives her arm through Gin-chan's chest, her grin wide, as she _laughs laughs laughs_. 

Some nights Sadaharu nudges her awake and Kagura runs her trembling hands through his fur until she manages to fall back asleep. Others, when Gin-chan is home and neither of them can sleep, he makes her tea and they sit together in the living room, speaking in soft tones like she's used to seeing him and Zura do. Sometimes they sit in silence, the words stuck in her throat, but Gin-chan seems to understand that too, and just having him there is comfort enough.

Kamui wasn't the only character introduced in the Yoshiwara in Flames arc, however. Tsukuyo is a more than welcome addition to the cast, and Kagura quickly becomes taken with her. She's not insane like Sacchan, she's more willing to buy her food than Toshi, she doesn't become annoying after a while like Gin-chan and Shinpachi, she doesn't get lost in her own head like Zura and, more importantly, she's _strong._ Not stronger than Kyuubei and Anego, of course, but strong in a different way. Kagura finds herself wanting to spend more time with Tsukki.

For obvious reasons, the Yorozuya doesn't visit Yoshiwara often. Tsukki rarely comes up, either. Kagura treasures the moments they spend together, and increasingly starts finding more and more excuses to meet up with her. Whatever she can come up with, like helping out in Seita's store, or a bodyguarding jig at one of the brothels, or being Hinowa's personal assistant for the day. Somedays she drags Pattsuan and Gin-chan with her, but mostly she comes alone.

It doesn't take long for Yoshiwara to get used to her presence. After a while Kagura's made an acquaintance of almost every woman in the Hyakka, and she charms half the prostitutes with her tales about space. The men who come there also start recognizing her from her bouncer jobs, and the smart ones turn away when they see her at the door, or give her a wide berth if they pass her on the street. This pseudo fame only earns her more fawning from the women, and she's actually surprised at how much she enjoys it. They give her homemade food and play with her hair. They teach her how to wear a formal kimono, with all its layers and its secrets, and how to do her makeup, and if she starts feeling uncomfortable they never push it. The Hyakka women also teach her how to wield a naginata and how to throw a kunai. They teach her how to move quietly, how to erase her presence. Kagura takes every lesson to heart. She starts feeling so good she worries she'll get lost in the smell of perfume and incense, the feel of fancy kimonos and the touch of soft skin. 

And yet, despite how much she loves spending time with the other women, nothing quite compares to being with Tsukki, who takes her out and lets her eat to her heart's content, who lets her train with the Hyakka and praises her when she wipes the floor with them, who spars with her and is never scared of her strength. Kagura looks up to her immensely, but in a way that is different from Gin-chan or Anego. She feels a need to be close to her that she's never felt for someone before. It feels like that moment with Kiyoko, except twice as strong and impossible to ignore. 

It is precisely on her way to a weekly spar with Tsukki that The Incident happens. In her hurry, she arrives early to Kisegawa's place, one of the courtesans who has taken to cooking for her. As she has done plenty of times before, Kagura doesn't bother with the door when she can just as easily get in through the window. Seeing no one in the living room, she calls out to Kisegawa, casually walking into her bedroom. As soon as she spots the woman, her entire brain comes to a halt. Kisegawa is kneeling on her futon, her dark brown hair cascading down her shoulders, the light from the lamp in the corner of the room casting a golden glow upon her bare breasts. In a very out of character moment, Kagura forgets how to breathe. In the few seconds it takes for Kisegawa to notice her presence, Kagura's eyes trace the soft curves of her breasts, the slope of her shoulders, the fall of her hair, the kimono half-way on her shoulders. 

"Oh, Kagura-chan, I didn't expect you so early." Kisegawa finishes putting on her kimono and turns, smiling softly. The spell is broken. The oxygen returns to Kagura's lungs. She wills her eyes not to stray from Kisegawa's face.

"I– Sorry, I have to go!" 

Kisegawa calls after her, but Kagura is already out the window and sprinting down the street, acutely aware of her heart trying to beat out of her chest and the warmth pooling low on her belly. She arrives at Tsukki's in record time, uncharacteristically sweaty and out of breath. 

"I'm here!" Kagura announces, throwing the door open. The Hyakka women look up from their warm up in alarm, her volume too loud.

Tsukuyo stands up from where she was helping a girl with her stretches, eyebrows raised and hands on her hips, staring as Kagura struggles to catch her breath, hands on her knees.

"Kagura, is everything alright?" She asks, her expression somewhere between concerned and amused. 

Kagura lifts her head to look at her and finds herself on eye level with Tsukki's cleavage, fitted snugly inside her sports bra. She tries looking elsewhere, but all around her are croptops, undershirts and sports bras, accompanied by hotpants, shorts and sweatpants hanging low on slender hips. Kagura feels the heat building up in her body. Was the training room always this hot?

"I'm– I'm fine, just went for a little warm up run, is all." Kagura answers, keeping her gaze firmly on the few women still wearing kimonos. 

Tsukuyo lets out a small laugh. Kagura's heart does something unexplainable in her chest. "I take it you're all ready to begin, then?"

Kagura just nods, not trusting herself not to say something weird. As always, they begin with some light hand-to-hand combat. The familiar motions relax her. She clears her mind and concentrates on their movements. Tsukuyo throws a kick, Kagura dodges easily under her leg, going in for a side punch, which Tsukki side steps, trying to put distance between them. Kagura doesn't let her, quickly grabbing for her waist. Tsukki spins out of her reach and throws another kick, this time Kagura parries with her leg, sending them both backwards. They look at each other for a few seconds before Kagura lunges, going straight in. Tsukki blocks her punch with her forearms. This close, Kagura can't look away from the sweat glistening on her collarbones, her eyes following a single bead of it as it slides down, getting lost between her breasts. 

Kagura is not quite sure how it happens, but the next thing she knows she finds herself on her back on the floor, staring up at Tsukki as she wipes the sweat from her brow. All around them, the other women have stopped their own spars to stare at them. 

Kagura feels her cheeks burn. Tsukuyo is looking at her, her expression definitely set on concern now.

"Are you sure you're alright? You don't have to train with us today if you're not feeling well." The other women echo a similar sentiment, clearly worried about her well being, having never seen Kagura lose a spar before. 

Suddenly, Kagura feels immensely guilty. 

Placing her feet flat on the ground, Kagura propels herself upwards, standing up quickly. With the biggest grin she can muster, she exclaims "Nothing's wrong! Just got distracted thinking about the new soba stand that just opened the other day, aru."

The Hyakka laugh, concern forgotten, and eagerly return to their training. Tsukki's not so easily appeased. She stands in front of Kagura, arms crossed, lips pressed into a firm line, unmovable. Kagura knows Tsukki has seen right through her. The time Kagura has spent hanging around her has not been in vain, for Tsukki has learned how to read her moods and how to parse through her lies. If Tsukki were to push it right now, Kagura would surely spill it right out. Even if Kagura herself has no idea what's happening to her.

After a few long, agonizing seconds, Tsukuyo shakes her head. 

"Maki!" Tsukki calls out. A blonde with choppy hair comes jogging over, stopping at attention next to her leader. Kagura hasn't seen her before. "Maki, this is Kagura-chan, the Yorozuya's brat. Kagura, this is Maki, a new recruit." 

That explains it, then. The girl warily extends her hand. Kagura gives it a firm shake, keeping her eyes on the girl's face. 

"You'll be training together today. Maki, bring out the practice naginatas."

"Yes, ma'am!"

Kagura keeps her gaze trained on Maki's back, counting her breaths as she wills the color to drain from her face. She startles when Tsukki puts a hand on her shoulder, still looking serious. 

"Some weapon practice will do you good. Concentrate on the motions, don't think about anything else. Maki's handy with a naginata, she'll keep you on your toes." Tsukki's expression softens, her voice losing its edge. "Any more distractions and I'm sending you straight home. Gintoki would kill me if something happened to you."

Kagura can only nod in assent. Tsukuyo leaves, Maki returning with the naginatas soon after. Kagura takes one in hand, testing its weight. She's not that good with it yet, but with a little more training it's sure to become second nature soon enough. 

Fortunately, Kagura's able to keep her bearings for the rest of the evening. Maki's good with the naginata, not as good as some of the Hyakka veterans, who wield it like an extension of their bodies, but certainly above average. Kagura has to be focused and alert to be able to keep up with her, which makes her less likely to get distracted again. That Maki happens to be showing a lot less skin than some of the women around them is just a bonus, really. 

Kagura throws herself wholly into the spar and the rest of the evening passes by in a blur. When they're all finished for the day, she quickly says bye to Tsukki and waves goodbye to the others, exhausted and eager to get back home. 

Standing on the Yorozuya's genkan, Shinpachi's voice roots her to the spot. It seems to be coming from the kitchen, and by the volume of it, he must be speaking to Gin-chan in the living room. 

"She's been acting weird for a while now, Gin-san. Surely you must have noticed as well!"

"A girl her age needs to be alone every once in a while, nothing weird about that. You're just being paranoid, Pattsuan." While Shinpachi seems agitated, Gin-chan's voice is as disinterested as ever.

Something clanks in the kitchen. Shinpachi's volume raises even more. "Kagura-chan has been going to Yoshiwara! Do you really think that's the kind of place a girl her age goes to be alone!?"

Gin-chan chokes. "She's–Kagura's been going WHERE?" After the outburst, he coughs loudly, likely trying to regain his previous detachment. "I mean, of course I knew that. Yoshiwara's really the perfect place to be alone, if you think about it. All those dark alleys and that clandestine feel. Kagura-chan is really smart. That's the kind of place I would go to if I didn't want to be bothered."

Shinpachi makes an experated noise. "I need you to take this seriously, Gin-san." Shinpachi lowers his voice, then. Kagura has to strain her ears to hear his next words. "I'm worried about her. I think Kagura might be a—"

Kagura walks backwards and slams the tatami door open. The whole house rattles on its hinges.

"I'm home!" She exclaims, stomping into the living room. 

Gin-chan is laying on his back on the sofa, holding an old copy of Jump upside down, his eyes sharp. In the kitchen, Shinpachi is trying to appear casual, though the color on his cheeks betrays him. 

"I'm hungry." Ignoring the twin cries of outrage, Kagura devours everything that looks edible and locks herself in her closet for some well deserved sleep.

* * *

When Kagura wakes up the next morning, the house is quiet. Clutching her blanket around her, she steps out into the living room. There's only Sadaharu dozing in a corner, the rest of the Yorozuya nowhere to be found. Still half asleep, Kagura stumbles into the kitchen. No food either. Huh, must have eaten her share last night. 

Kagura walks back into her closet, kneeling down and removing one of the bottom tiles to peer down into her secret stash. Usually filled up through her hardwork convincing Toshi that she hadn't eaten for a week or telling Tsukki that Gin-chan spent all their food money on pachinko or getting Zura to buy her snacks or bumping into the Shinsengumi at the konbini and stealing their groceries. Surveying her stash, she pulls out anpan that has 'Yamazaki's, don't touch!' written on the wrapper. It will make for a pasable breakfast. 

After eating, Kagura goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Her eyebags stare back at her from the mirror. She really hadn't slept anything last night, thinking about Kisegawa and Tsukki and Shinpachi's words. Something is happening to her. Yesterday, she didn't quite know what it was, but now she thinks she might have figured it out. Well, that's not quite it. If she gives it some thought, maybe she's always known, she just hadn't acknowledged it yet. It's not really surprising, either. And that was what Shinpachi was about to say last night, wasn't it? If even Pattsuan had noticed, she must have been really obvious about it, too. 

Her head feels weird. Kagura thumps her forehead on the bathroom mirror. It cracks a little bit, her red face cut by jagged lines. Not wanting to look at herself further, she slips to the floor, face in her hands. Deep breaths, in and out. Kagura remembers, every word said at the Yagyuu state, the disapproving looks, the disgusted stares, Kyuubei's tears, Shinpachi's conviction.

_"Kyuubei-san is a woman? She said that she was going to marry sister… such a ridiculous thing."_

_"Kyuu-chan can only fall in love with a woman."_

_"Having the body of a woman, you want to marry my sister? Don't screw with me! Do you think I'll let that pass!?"_

_"Is that really a woman? No ordinary man can rival the strength of that body."_

_"I didn't even approve of a marriage between women! Sure, I told her to become a man, but I didn't expect it would…"_

Inhale, exhale. She remembers other things. Anego's words, tearful hugs, clasped hands, a date in a festival, linked arms, Gin-chan's speech. 

_"Man or woman… I'm not going to blame anyone… But she must have known about why you were trying to become her left eye. You must have known that carrying this burden and going to her side, at the very least, wouldn't solve anything."_

Gin-chan and Zura whispering to each other, stumbling home drunk in the dark, senseless bickering, holding each other close, pressing their foreheads together in the silence. Gin-chan and Toshi, standing side by side, swords raised, shouting matches in the street, fighting in sync, fist fights in the market, understanding someone else wordlessly. 

Kiyoko, with her long hair, her soft hands, her charming laugh, her pretty kimono. Tsukki, with her calloused hands and her awkward wisdom, her face, all the more beautiful for the scar on it, her strength, her unyielding will. The feeling of the entire world being reduced to one girl. 

Like faceless mooks being bowled over by a human bowling ball, everything falls into place. 

Kagura stands up. The reflection staring back at her looks tired but determined. Shoulders squared, she walks out. There's just one more thing to be done.

Kyuubei and Anego are sitting on the engawa when Kagura arrives at the Shimura's. Anego seems oblivious to the light blush dusting Kyuubei's cheeks as she waves at Kagura. Kagura hesitantly sits next to Tae, who offers her some of the mochi she had been eating with Kyuubei. Kagura immediately regrets accepting it, holding it awkwardly in her hand. There's no way she'll be able to eat anything with the knots her stomach has twisted itself into. 

"Good afternoon, Kagura-chan. It's rare to see you without Gin-san and Shinpachi-kun." Says Kyuubi, tone softer than usual.

"I don't know where they are. They were gone when I woke up, and they didn't even leave me breakfast either." Kagura pouts. Anego rubs her shoulder sympathetically. 

"That was terribly rude of them. I will have a few words with Shin-chan when they come back." Anego's tone is light, but her expression promises something else entirely. Kagura allows herself to laugh.

"In the mean time, you can stay here with us. I was just telling Kyuu-chan about…" Kagura stops listening there. Her anxiety hasn't subsided a bit.

Kagura recalls the conversation with Gin-chan, all those months ago, but this is different. This time, she knows exactly what she wants to ask, but the words still refuse to leave her mouth. Kagura chances a guilty look at Kyuubei and Anego, who continue talking between themselves, unaware of her internal turmoil. Why is she so nervous? It's just Kyuubei and Anego! There's no one more trustworthy than them, they would never judge her, and they would answer all her questions. It's why she has decided to talk to them in the first place. So then, why couldn't she just—

"Kagura-chan, aren't you going to eat that?" 

Kagura startles, crushing the mochi in her hand. "Ah… I'm not hungry right now." She places the squished mochi back on the tray, wiping her sticky hand on her thigh.

Kyuubei and Anego exchange a concerned look between them. Kagura doesn't miss it.

"Not hungry? Kagura-chan, are you sick?" Kyuubei leans in closer, placing a hand on Kagura's forehead. "Tae-chan, I think she's coming down with something."

"No!" Kyuubei takes her hand back, surprised. Kagura lowers her voice. "I'm not sick! I just need to– I just wanted to– There's something I want to ask."

Anego places a soothing hand on Kyuubei's shoulder, and Kyuubei relaxes, settling back. Then she drops her hand back to her lap, smiling at Kagura. "It's just us, Kagura-chan. You can ask whatever you like." 

"I know." Kagura says, steadying herself. "Are you… Are you two a couple?" 

As soon as she hears the words, Kyuubei's face turns bright red. "Why yes, we are! Thank you for noticing. I was starting to think perhaps we weren't being obvious enough. Kondou-san certainly didn't take the hint." Anego chuckles, taking Kyuubei's hand and squeezing.

Kagura smiles. Of course they are. Maybe this is going to be easier than she was thinking.

"You can't expect anything from his little gorilla brain, Anego. The only thing he has in there is his own banana."

"You're right, Kagura-chan. The only thing his tiny brain can comprehend is violence, that's why I always make sure to give him a through beating whenever he blocks my path." Next to her, Kyuubei nods solemnly.

"Last week I took Tae-chan to a restaurant and he tried to disguise himself as a waiter. Tae-chan kicked him into the ceiling and they couldn't get him down." Kyuubei pauses, contemplative. "Maybe he's still there…"

Kagura giggles. Anego takes Kagura's hand with the one that isn't holding Kyuubei's, rubbing her thumbs over her knuckles. Kagura finds the motions incredibly soothing. 

"Enough of that gorilla. I'm sure that's not what Kagura-chan came to ask about." Kagura hears the command implicit in her words. 

Silence settles over them, but it is not an awkward one. Kagura relaxes. Why was she so anxious before? Talking with Anego is always so easy, there was nothing to be afraid about.

"I think I'm a lesbian." And now that she's said it, the words feel _so right_ . She's never been more sure than in this moment. "I like girls. _I'm a lesbian_!"

Kagura starts laughing, loud and free. Kyuubei and Tae smile at her, and just like that, everything falls neatly into place. Kagura likes girls. Kagura is a lesbian. The sky is blue. How could there be any doubt?

After a while, her laughter dies down. She hasn't felt this light in a long time. 

"Was it like this for you, when you first found out?" The question is directed at both of them. Once again, they exchange a look, communicating with each other in a way only they can understand.

Kyuubei speaks first. It's the most words Kagura has ever heard her say. She talks about her family's expectations for her, of how hard it was to distinguish who she was from the person they wanted her to be. She talks about not fitting in with the boys because she wasn't one. She talks about looking at the girls and knowing that she wouldn't fit in because she wasn't one, either. She talks about meeting Tae and learning that it didn't matter. That she could be just Kyuubei, and there was no need to be anything else. She talks about looking at girls in a different light, yearning not to be _like_ them but to be _with_ them. She talks about missing Tae, the only thing keeping her going the idea that one day she might see her again. She talks about the reunion and everything afterwards. She talks about being with Tae while knowing who she is. She talks about how when she's with Tae those are the only moments she feels like a girl. And she talks until she runs out of words, not because she has nothing else to say but because she has no way to say it. 

Then it's Tae's turn. She talks about being into men because that's just what girls do. She talks about hearing other girls gushing over a handsome man and looking at him and feeling nothing. She talks about finding them annoying and disgusting and unpleasant, thinking that no one could be truly attracted to them, that they all had to be putting up an act the way she was. She talks about Kyuubei coming back and changing everything. She talks about becoming self-aware, realizing that there was another option. That pretending to like men was not a universal experience, that she didn't have to put up an act for them when her feelings for other women were so starkly real. She talks about loving women, and spending time with Kyuubei, and loving Kyuubei. She talks about going out on dates, and going to the market together, and training together, and cleaning up the living room because the dust made Kyuubei sneeze, and simply _being_ together. 

And Kagura listens to every word, engraves every experience into her mind, soaks up the knowledge she came to seek. 

When they're both done, silence settles over them again. Kagura eats her squished mochi with her free hand, Anego still holding onto Kyuubei and her. 

Hours later, Kagura wakes up on Anego's lap to Gin-chan's voice, without any memory of falling asleep. 

Gin-chan and Shinpachi are fighting over something Kagura's brain is too sleep-adled to process, and Anego's laughing, and farther away in the yard Kyuubei seems to be playing fetch with Sadaharu. 

Nothing out of place, then. Kagura closes her eyes again.

When she comes to, Kagura finds herself in the Yorozuya, sandwiched between Gin-chan and Zura as they fight for the remote. Kagura slaps it out of their hands and it goes flying. Gin-chan watches in horror as it smashes against the wall and falls apart. He goes red in the face and starts screaming about how they have no money to pay for a new one and how Kagura's gonna have to find one if she wants to keep eating and WHY does Zura look so fucking smug, god damn bastard, he's gonna punch him in the face if he doesn't stop grinning.

Kagura pays him no mind. She leans against Zura and puts her feet up on Gin-chan's lap, relaxed. Zura starts playing with her hair. If Zura is staying the night, in a few minutes Gin-chan will start pestering him to make dinner as payment for letting him stay. Then Gin-chan's going to make a show out of making him sleep on the couch, where he has actually slept a grand total of three times, as he always mysteriously walks out of Gin-chan's room every morning. 

Tomorrow Gin-chan will once again leave the house complaining about being broke because he has to feed Kagura and come back in the evening with a new remote. Maybe if he bumps into Toshi on the way he will even bring groceries. Tomorrow, during Dragon Ball Marathon night, Kagura will talk to him. But for now, they will sit on the couch and Gin-chan will keep bitching, pretending to be mad while he looks at Zura and Kagura with something resembling fondness. And the warmth in Kagura's chest will keep growing. 

**Author's Note:**

> the ending was originally supposed to be different and sacchan was supposed to appear at some point but sadly it didnt happen :/ 
> 
> a lot of projecting was done here, particularly on kagura but also on kyuubei and tae. i wanted to explore kagura as a baby gay while also showcasing how much the lesbian experience can vary and i hope i acheived that
> 
> i might write a sorta continuation of this from gintokis pov? just bc i feel like he would have a lot of thoughts abt all this and also to kinda show more of shinpachi. im sorry he ended up being a lil bit of an homophobe,,, but he rly is the only straight person in this whole family huh
> 
> might also try to write another wlw themed fic featuring all the gintaladies...... if i ever figure out how to write sacchan
> 
> leave a comment if u can!!
> 
> twitter: [ginhijizura](https://twitter.com/ginhijizura?s=09)  
> tumblr: [butchjolymes](https://butchjolymes.tumblr.com)


End file.
